


drunk and so in love

by zelocityy



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Idk why I even posted something like this, M/M, Phichit Chulanont is the fashion police, Random fights, Unnecessary screeching, Viktor and Chris are the biggest divas ever, Vlogger!Chris, Vlogger!Viktor, Yuuri's horrible fashion sense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 22:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13257858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zelocityy/pseuds/zelocityy
Summary: Where Yuuri and Phichit argues about every little thing and Viktor and Chris argues about a scarf.And it's where everything starts.--------really this is just a weird story





	drunk and so in love

**Author's Note:**

> this is just something i started writing on a whim after me and my friend had a little too much fun imagining stuff
> 
> i'll probably update this whenever i can assghsjs

"Are you ready, hun?" Phichit called out, leaning against Yuuri's door, "Guang Hong's been texting non-stop."

"Yeah, yeah. Wait a sec."

After a minute, the door started opening and Phichit backed away, only to gasp in horror, "Yuuri!"

"What?"

"Just what the _fuck_ are you wearing?!"

Yuuri stared back in confusion, "Uh, my favorite polo and slacks?"

Phichit flailed his arms about, "You look like a fucking nerd! No way are you going looking... like _that_." Yuuri stood, his limbs akimbo, "What? It looks _normal_!"

"Nothing is normal with that shit!" Phichit retorted, "I demand to see your other clothes!"

"Phichit, we don't have time for this—"

Phichit flipped his phone out and typed furiously while shoving Yuuri in his room, "We have all the time we need! There," he shoved the phone's screen to Yuuri's face, displaying Guang Hong's reply, "Guang understands! _Now let me see your fucking wardrobe._ "

Yuuri could only sigh deeply as Phichit dug through his clothes, throwing them into categorized heaps on the floor— the categories being: _ugly, no and absolutely not._

Yuuri couldn't even be bothered to be offended. Phichit was always like this.

His inner narrative was cut off by Phichit's shrieking, "Yuuri! What is with this hideous wardrobe? I can't believe I've been friends with a fashion disaster for five years!"

"My wardrobe isn't _that_ horrible!"

"Oh, _god_ ," Phichit mumbled to himself, criticizing the only tie Yuuri's ever had, "I think I'm going to have to burn your whole wardrobe, Yuuri."

"Fuck you. You wouldn't even dare."

"Oh, yeah? Try me, Katsuki."

Phichit made a move to run for the door, _get some fucking gas, Phichit, and a lighter— we've got to light this shit up!_

Yuuri anticipated his move though, and was inches faster than him. He blocked off the door and Phichit glared challengingly.

They stared at each other intensely. Phichit only breaking contact to stare at a sweater and he blanched, "Yuuri! _Seriously_ , the fuck is with this sweater? It looks and," he sniffed and flinched in disgust, "smells like _shit_!"

Yuuri gasped and reached out for it, only to have Phichit pull it back to himself, "Mom made me that sweater! _How fucking dare you_ —"

Phichit raised a brow and replied, "Yuuri, you _know_ I love Mama Katsuki, but seriously? This shit's gotta go."

"Just fucking do what you want! Stop criticizing my wardrobe choices!"

"That's it! We're going to the mall!"

"What?"

"We're going shopping, bitch. _Move_."

Yuuri crossed his arms over his chest and said, "No, we are not."

"Yes, we are."

"Phichit, no."

"Yuuri, yes."

" _NO_ —"

" _YES, WE ARE. NOW, YOU WOULD KNOW THIS SINCE YOU DON'T LIVE UNDER A FUCKING ROCK, BUT YUURI_ ," Phichit growled, " _YOU'RE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE BIGGEST HOE IN THE WORLD, AND THIS HOE, **PHICHIT CHULANONT** , WOULD RATHER BE FOUND DEAD, HAVING JUMPED OUT A FUCKING WINDOW WITH ALL THE INNARDS OUT AND SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE CONCRETE SIDEWALK OUTSIDE OUR APARTMENT BUILDING, THAN BE SEEN WITH HIS BEST FRIEND, IN A CLUB, WEARING A FUCKING NERDY POLO AND SLACKS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?_"

Yuuri let out a shaky breath and Phichit grinned all too cheerfully, "Great! Let's go!"

  
"We're going shopping for a party that's literally already started an hour ago."

Viktor laughed, "How extra are we, huh?"

" _Very_ ," Chris wriggled his eyebrows humorously, "Well, I just need a scarf to complete my look."

Viktor gasped, "Oh my god, _same_! Maybe this is why we're even best friends in the first place!"

Chris chuckled, "Maybe!"

  
After 30 minutes...

"That fucking scarf's _mine_ , you bitch!" Chris roared, as Viktor pulled the scarf back, "I grabbed it _first_!"

" _But, I saw it first!_ "

"Does it even have your fucking lame-ass _name_ on it?" Viktor retorted, "I don't think so!"

"It doesn't even match your skin tone!" Chris quipped and Viktor gasped, "How _dare_ you imply that I have poor fashion choices!"

"I didn't imply it because I _meant_ it," Chris hissed back, "Your fashion sense sucks balls. Like you, _bitch_."

That must've done it, because the next thing they both knew was that they were hitting each other like prissy mean girls and yelling insults back and forth. People started staring weirdly at them, and some took to taking videos of them fighting: _it was a huge mess_.

The store clerks came to break off the fight as politely as they can, but the two could see the annoyance swimming in their eyes, "Sirs, if you could just do this outside the store, that would be really helpful..."

Viktor gave them a sad smile, "Oh, we're sorry to have caused trouble."

One of them gasped, "Aren't you two Viktor Nikiforov and Christophe Giacometti?"

Whispers and gasps rang through the store as the two smiled politely, "Yes, we are," Chris replied, winking.

The store clerks, all women, _thank god_ , Chris thought, started melting. Chris followed up with an apology of his own, a sultriness to accompany the apologetic tone.

"No, no," one said, flailing her arms about, staving off an oncoming blush, "We're really happy you, _um_ , both liked that particular scarf."

"Oh, yes," Viktor smiled charmingly, "It would've been a wonderful addition to my outfit. But since Chris wanted it too, I though that neither of us should get it after all."

Chris turned to him in shock, " _Mon ami_ , you're really willing to do that for _me_?"

Viktor looked at him with a smile, "Of course, aren't we best friends? And besides, just thinking about how we fought over that piece of clothing made me think of how stupid we must've looked to everyone."

Chris chuckled, "I guess so."

Holding out one hand, Viktor grinned, "Truce?"

Chris took a firm grip of it and grinned back, "Truce."

The people around them cheered and dispersed shortly, and one by one, the store clerks left them to look around again.

"Well, I'll go look for other scarves, Viktor."

Viktor nodded casually, "Sure."

Chris held out another scarf appraisingly, "So, _um_ , found anything you like yet, Chris?"

"Oh, yeah, well, I found something that looked nice—"

"I guess I can take this one after all!" With a grin, Viktor grabbed the emerald scarf they were just fighting for and ran to the cashier.

_"You fucking bitch! That's not fair!"_

_  
"Fuck you, I was supposed to buy that fucking scarf!"_

_"But you said you found something better, and I couldn't—"_

_"I only said that because you fucking said neither of us would buy it!"_

_"Well, I fucking lied! Big deal!"_

"This isn't the first time _you_ went behind my back," Chris scoffed, " _You_ even made out with Chad in 10th grade!"

"For the last time," Viktor hissed, " _He_ came onto _me_! I didn't fucking _want_ his tongue down my throat when it's been _who-knows-where_!"

"What about that last cookie in the cookie jar when we were still in 3rd grade?"

" _Are you fucking kidding me?_ That was a fucking _cookie_ , Chris!"

"It was the best cookie I've tasted, okay?" Chris replied stiffly, "And you took the fucking last _one_."

"Well, what about the time you ran over me with _my_ bike that _you_ stole?" Viktor huffed, as Chris shrieked, "I was _late_ for a _date_!"

"You couldn't have been bothered to leave a fucking _note_?"

"Not when the new hot quarterback asks _you_ out for movies, and was waiting in line for the show to start when I barely had my fucking clothes on!"

And after a 10-minute yell-out outside the store, the two begrudgingly settled on a truce and started doing what they do best: hoeing around.

  
"Phichit!" Yuuri squawked, and Phichit only licked his lips with a grin, "What?"

"You just fucking _ogled_ that guy!"

"What?" Phichit asked in defense, " _He was hot_!"

"And you _had_ to make me go through that shameless flirting you two just did?"

"He obviously liked me too," Phichit shrugged, "What could I have done? _He was hot._ "

Yuuri shook his head incredulously, "You're such a _hoe_."

Phichit wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, " _A thirsty hoe._ "

Yuuri groaned. "If I offered you a million dollars and a trip around the world, would you _stop_ being a hoe?"

"You couldn't even buy me a _fucking ice pop_ —"

"That's besides the point, Phichit! _Now fucking answer me!_ "

"I'd try—"

"But will you really stop?"

"Probably not."

Yuuri face-palmed as Phichit took his phone out to type a reply to Guang Hong's text, "Well, since you're all dressed up, let's head over to Leo's party!"

Sighing, Yuuri asked, "Do I really have to come?"

"Of course! Yuuri, you're the life of the party!"

"No, I am _not_!" Yuuri protested, and Phichit mumbled, "Not when you're sober, you're not."

Yuuri narrowed his eyes, "What was that, Phichit?"

"Uh, nothing!"

"Can we get, like," Yuuri looked around, "Oh! Ice cream first?"

Phichit shrugged. Nobody can say no to some good ol' ice cream after all, "Sure."

_  
"You fucking diva!"_

Viktor laughed and ran faster, screaming, "Sorry, but it's all _so_ _heavy_! Carry it for me, darling."

"Stop fucking around, Nikiforov, or I will skin you alive when I _get_ my hands on you!" Chris shrieked, trying to balance all of the bags on his arms and running after Viktor.

Viktor only ran harder and looked back to tease Chris more, only to collide hard with someone. Viktor and the man groaned in unison.

"Oh my god, Yuuri! Are you okay?"

The said man called Yuuri looked up at him and he was greeted with the biggest, most adorable eyes he has ever seen. Oh my god, he was definitely Viktor's type and Viktor was this close to swooning.

Yuuri turned red and scrambled to get up, fidgeting and stuttering over himself. _Cute_ , his brain helpfully supplied. "I-I am so sorry!"

Yuuri patted down his pants and Viktor secretly took a glance at his wonderfully plump rear. _Oh my god. Keep it in your pants, Nikiforov. Keep it PG, for goodness' sake!_

Viktor only shook his head and gave him his most handsome smile, "No worries! I'm glad you seem fine!"

Yuuri only looked down and nodded, face still red. "Yes... um, what about you, sir?"

_Sir? Now, we should fix that._

Viktor smiled, "Oh, my name's—"

" _Viktor_." The smile on Viktor's face was gone immediately and the blood drained from his face. Chris did not sound pleased, _at all._

" _Chris_..."

"Uh, Yuuri! This is _Chri_ —" they turned to look at the two men from before, only to find them missing. What?

"Yuuri? Oh, _no_! _Chris_!" Viktor turned to Chris, already whining and close to tears, "He left! What do I do?"

Chris sighed and lamented his life after everything.


End file.
